How to Write a Father of the Bride Speech: The Essentials

You only have one shot to nail this speech for your daughter, son-in-law, family and guests. 

So your goal must be to shock, surprise and thrill everyone with a killer original speech that is funny, warm and epic.

THE PROBLEM

Rest assured that when you stand up to speak at the wedding most in the audience will be thinking, “Oh no… here we go again.” 

It’s nothing personal, of course, it’s just because most father of the bride speeches are terrible and filled with generic compliments, rambling stories and phony lines that could be said about any bride and groom anywhere like, “I’m not losing a daughter I’m gaining a son!”

In other words, most father of the bride speeches are about as exciting as scraping paint from a fence in the Texas sun.

The best father of the bride speech will give guests an inside look at the values, character and personality of the bride and groom through your eyes. 

You should grab, engage, entertain and surprise the audience in the same way as if they're watching a movie.  So like a movie, your speech should have light, fun and warm moments throughout.

But right now you have years of thoughts, memories, feelings and experiences about your daughter in your heart and head.  And it likely all feels like a jumbled mess right now. 

That makes it next to impossible to step back and get perspective, which is what it takes to create a great speech that honors your daughter and son-in-law and is easy and enjoyable for the audience to follow.

THE STRUCTURE OF THE BEST FATHER OF THE BRIDE SPEECH

Having written close to 1,400 original father of the bride speeches over many years, I can report the best speech has five sections in a narrative structure that is easy and enjoyable for the audience to follow without having to work or think. 

You will likely be introduced by name as father of the bride by the DJ or master of ceremonies.  So don’t reintroduce yourself, which is redundant and unnecessary at a time when you should simply be grabbing the audience and rolling. 

The audience expects you to open your speech like every other father with “I’m Jack, the father of the bride, welcome, welcome, thank you, thank you” and other, “blah, blah, blah” throat-clearing they can sleep through.  Don’t do it.

Instead open with something simple and relatively quick but unexpected that will surprise and grab the audience in this first section of your speech.  

This could be an observation, a quick reflection or memory of your daughter or something else they don’t expect.  Anything but, “Good evening everyone and welcome blah, blah, blah.”

After you have grabbed the audience’s attention with something unexpected then cover your traditional duties of welcoming everyone, bringing the families together and setting a positive tone for the evening as (typically) the first speaker before dinner.

This is also when you mention and thank, if necessary, key people by name including your wife, other children, grandparents as well as the groom’s family.

The second section of your speech should give everyone an inside look at the values, character and personality of your daughter through your eyes.  To gain necessary perspective on her life, ask yourself a few questions such as:

- What are a few of your earliest, most-vivid memories of your daughter?

- How would you describe her to someone who has never met her?

- What stories from her life best illustrates her character, values and/or personality?

- What do you love most about her (she is your daughter, of course, but why else)?

- Is she stubborn, thoughtful, driven, caring?  What does that look like and how has it manifested itself over the years?

Humans have been hard wired for story since the Stone Age so be sure to do as much “showing” as “telling” through story to bring her character to life.

In the third section of your speech speak directly to your daughter on her wedding day.  Looking back on your life together what are you feeling in this moment?  What do you want her to know on this day? What’s it been like to be her father?  

The fourth section will focus on the groom.  When did you first hear anything at all about him?  What did you think of him on first meeting?  How did he and your daughter interact?

Then go deeper by giving everyone an inside look at his values, character and personality through your eyes.  What impresses you about him?  What’s funny about him?  What do you love most about him?

The last section of your speech should bring your daughter and son-in-law together as a couple.  What makes their relationship work?  What makes it unique and wonderful?  What does their future hold in your view?

Then ask everyone to join you in a quick toast to the bride and groom and you’ve just hit a home run with your speech.

A Few Words on Speech Length:  The Internet is filled with so-called wedding speechwriters telling you not to go longer than 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 500 words, 600 words etc.  And it’s utter nonsense.  That’s about them wanting to make a quick, easy buck by not having to work very hard or write much.  Instead they’ll use a generic template, insert the bride and groom’s name then try to sell it to you as “original.”

My philosophy is that if you’re going to stand up and give a speech to your daughter on her wedding day you should knock this thing out of the park.  In two decades and thousands of not only father of the bride speeches, but every other social speech imaginable, I don’t remember the last time I wrote a speech shorter than 1200 words or 8 to 9 minutes. 

And no one has ever told a speaker I’ve worked with that their speech felt long. In fact, they say the opposite… that they loved the speech and it felt like a breath of fresh air compared to every other father speech.

Here’s the Key: You have to write your speech in super simple language (think 6th grade). Not to “dumb it down” but to not only make it super easy for you to deliver but super easy and enjoyable for the audience to follow without having to work or think. 

It’s when the audience thinks, “What did he say?  What does he mean?” that people get lost and speeches start to drag and feel long. Be tight, punchy, fun and warm in simple language in a simple narrative structure that requires no work for the audience to follow.

It's actually challenging for humans to follow the spoken word only without benefit of our eyes because we have to process every.  single.  word.  So make it easy for audiences to follow and enjoy your speech by using simple language in the narrative structure described above which will easy and enjoyable for everyone to follow. 

If this all sounds complicated let’s work together, have some fun and create a kickass speech. Click HERE to get started. 

I’ve written father of the bride speeches for everyone from billionaires and CEOs to FedEx drivers, F18 pilots and physicians. And I have the same two goals for everyone I work with.  

First, I want you to hear, “That was the best father of the bride speech I’ve ever heard!”  And second, I want giving this speech to be one of the best experience of your life—because it should be… it’s your daughter.  

A great father of the bride speech is an event game changer. Be the one father who finally cared enough to give their best in a killer original speech.